we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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