the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
