I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize