Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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