I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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