sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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