Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
