hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
