OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize