what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
