I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
