Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
