When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
