Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
