Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
