Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
