I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
