I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
