You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
