what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
