he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
