Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
