I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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