You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
