I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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