I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize