No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
