how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
