That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
