You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
