that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
