he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
