she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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