3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
