the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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