not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
