At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize