I like my sex mixed with concussions.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize