Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
