Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
you win again, gameday.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
