Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
