Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
