i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
