Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
this is an emotional support booty call
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
