i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
