I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
