Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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