Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
