Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
