Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
