when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
