I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
