3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
