My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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