i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
