whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Randomize
