Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
