even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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