Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
