omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
