Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
