i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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