halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
