The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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