It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
