I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize