I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
