Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
How does one acquire holy water?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
