my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
