i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Randomize