This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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