How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
