The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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