I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize