Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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