I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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