Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
